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I’m a fan of College Parent Central, a blog mainly written for parents of college students. Blogger, Vicki Nelson recently did a three-part series about “Helicopter Parents.” As I read the articles, the dreaded term “stage mom” came to mind. Parents of university-bound students are not the only ones who “hover,” and therefore, Vicki’s positive message about redefining and examining parental involvement in a child’s life certainly has applications in the dance world. So, I thought I’d share these articles with you – just follow the links below. Enjoy!
Affirming “Helicopter Parents”: Redefining the Title
This is the first of three posts that consider the concept of college helicopter parents. The concept is certainly not new, but it warrants continual examination – and sometimes redefinition. In this post, we look at the definition of helicopter parents, as well as some of the motivation behind parental hovering. In our next post, we will examine who helicopter parents are and how they operate, and in our final post, we will consider the consequences of helicoptering and suggest some possible ways in which parents might hover productively.
Is all hovering bad? What are the negatives? The positives?
How involved should a parent be in a child’s dance education?
What are the indicators that a parent’s hovering is producing negative results?
Parents, students, and teachers, I welcome your thoughts on the subject!
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Nichelle (owner/editor)
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Thanks for this post, Nichelle. I hope some of your readers will stop by CollegeParentCentral. I think you are right on the mark in comparing college helicopter parents to “stage moms”. The bottom line is that we really all want the best for our children, but sometimes it’s difficult to find the line between positive and negative hovering. Knowing that there are ways to stay involved productively is reassuring to both parents and their kids – whether college students or dancers!
Great post Nichelle, parents are such an important part of the dance studio community. As a parent myself, I can relate in the sense that all I want is the best for my kids.
Where it can be skewed is when a parent blatantly disregards and threatens a studio owner on class placement and/or eligibility for class leveling. We are not immune and deal with this at our studio. Involved and enthusiastic parents…yes. Helicopter parents who think they know best or can undermine the standards or requirements…not so much.
We love parents, and especially love those who are involved. Studio owners, teachers and directors benefit from ongoing training and support on how to satisfy customers and parents while at the same time letting their studio mission and vision shine through!
Thanks Vicki for your wonderful articles! I know readers will find them insightful. I agree that sometimes that line is hard to find – in fact, many parents may not know until they’ve crossed it. Which sort of leads into Suzanne’s comment (thanks for adding your thoughts on this Suzanne!). I’ve witnessed and been on the recipient end of parents that push to see things done their way (from curriculum to class placement to casting). Some parents forget that one school or institution cannot be everything to everyone and that it is important for parents and students to “do their homework” and find a school whose mission most closely matches their priorities and goals – it would prevent much head-butting. Of course, learning how to develop a mission or set goals is crucial for both studio owners and families (and Suzanne, Vicki, thank you for both playing a role in helping others to do just that).
It also helps for educators to really listen to the needs and desires of parents and act upon them (when possible and without sacrificing core principles) – a bit more willingness to try a new approach or compromise may keep major conflicts at bay. People are usually more willing to put their trust you if they feel they are being heard and cared for. You can’t please everyone all the time, but when expectations are clear and issues dealt with compassionately, you can please most everyone most of the time.
As it turns out, I covered this as a blog topic not too long ago for http://www.morethangrades.com As a parent and teacher, I was curious to see how students, teachers (parents) and colleges felt about this term and what it means. Not so surprisingly, everyone had a different spin. When it comes to college applications, scholarships, fafsa, it is difficult to know how much input is too much. But when the stakes are high, wouldn’t you want help if you were an 18 year old. If you are curious to hear what other thought, feel free to take a look at the blog. Thank CRios.
Thanks, CRios – I did check out the topic at your site (it’s under blogs – scroll down to the bottom to see posts on the different viewpoints if readers want to check it out). As a teacher and as a parent, I have to go with many of the “college’s views” you received.
My son is young but I recognize that my primary responsibility is to help him learn to do things and handle situations for himself. As he grows, I don’t see that responsibility changing, actually – he must learn to take care of his health, his money, his home and environment, his relationships, his job, his paperwork, his life on his own. Whether or not the process is difficult, whether or not, there is disappointment or hurt, this is simply the truth.
Parents who take on what is really their child’s responsibility, are setting themselves up for a lifetime of doing so and are not really helping their child (maybe even hurting them in the long run). And, there is a line between helping and hovering. And, it can be difficult to know where that is for a whole host of reasons. However, something that I try to keep in mind with my 2-year-old as he navigates his world is that letting him try, letting him succeed on his own, and yes letting him fail, empowers him to be self-confident and self-motivated. And though he sometimes asks for “mommy do it,” I let him know I believe he can by guiding him or showing him and then letting him try again. There are lapses now and then – I’m tired, or don’t have time, and it seems simpler to just do it for him, but I always regret it later because he’ll look for me to comply the next time, too. From what I’ve seen of students (of all ages) and also what I recognize in myself, whether the child is 2 or 20 the result is the same.